Yes, I've considered that. It seems unlikely. I don't have many of the documented symptoms or feelings. My insecurities are well known and not a secret to my friends and family. Most people tell me I'm too hard on myself, but maybe that's just a variation of the condition. I've taken an online test that indicates I'm not even close to that diagnosis. But it's worth posing this question to my therapist. If I do have narcissistic personality disorder, then man, I don't know what to do. That seems hopeless.

I do think I'm special, but in the same sense that I think everyone is special and unique. I think my wife is special. It just doesn't make me love her in a romantic way.

I still think it's most likely that the basic problem is that I felt repressed as an adolescent and young adult. I felt unworthy of anything. When a young woman came along and wanted me, I gratefully accepted her affection and tried to reciprocate it. In my mind I was going to reward her with loyalty and affection, and make myself love her as fully as possible. I ignored my doubts because I wanted so badly to meet her love with my own. I think I unconsciously tried the "fake it until you make it" strategy, but it never materialized.

I still can't tell what romantic love should feel like. I'd love to know how a really satisfying long term romantic relationship should feel. Can anyone describe that to me?