I'm sorry to put this on all of you. I'm sure you have your own problems. But all I'm asking is for you to take some time and read this, maybe even reply. If you want to.

To start off, my father's side had a history of mental health issues. My father and brother both have a mental breakdown. My brother now suffers from Paranoid Schzophrenia.

I've had a breakdown before a few years ago, but it was nothing like this. Yeah, I had suicidal thoughts and tried it many times, but I never had the symptoms I do now.

It started off as feeling angry all the time and feeling stressed. I take over the counter stress medication sometimes. But since the medication is only for short term use (2-4 weeks), I miss days out. Sometimes even weeks. When I felt angry, I ranted on and on about the same thing. For hours on end. I still do.

It really came out though on Tuesday at work. It started off as a raised temperature and clammy hands. I then began to shake. When I was sent for a half an hour break, I just lost it. I forgot the code to the door, (We have a door and set of stairs for upstairs to the staffroom). When I got in the staffroom, I started crying.

Yesterday, I felt disconnected from those who I've been close to. I felt like that again this morning. I felt angry again today and teary. I've also been shaking again since and had a rapid heartbeat. It felt like I was going to die. It also doesn't help that a friend of mine kept texting me today because I didn't reply.

I kept this to myself, because I know that friend would tell me to turn it into something positive. But, it's impossible for me to do that.

I think I'm having a mental breakdown and I can't stop it.