I'm so glad that you're looking at the fact that you are capapble of love, so that even if this doesn't work out, you'll be open to love in the future.

Don't worry too much about what the experts say about what types of personalities etc don't belong together....I used to look for men compatible with my horoscope sign....but I let go of thinking those were always accurate.

If we expect the worst, thats typically what we get. I know I am really great at self sabotaging. When I first got with my guy, I inevitably looking for the other shoe to drop. It wa too good. I didn't deserve good. Things never went this well for me. I'm uncomfortable being happy because for so long I treated myself like crap. Therefore I must look for something that will end this before he breaks my heart. Self sabotage.....sucks.

Luckily I talked with my girlfriend about it all and she helped me realize in time what I was doing. She did the same thing when she got with her boyfriend over 2 years ago. Luckily she didn't succeed and they're still together.

I think its that underlying old behavior of self sabotage for me that makes all my horrid self esteem issues flair up, that makes me read into things....I start thinking, ok he's pulling away. He's gonna leave me. How can I leave him first. I KNOW this isn't true. I chatted with someone on here right away when that thought crossed my mind and she talked me down.

For me, its almost easier to accept the terrible things then it is to accept the good things. I've only been good to myself for a little over 2 years now, before that, ***** I abused MYSELF, settling with men I knew I didn't love because I thought I'd never get any better, I even married one.

Now, learning to realize that hell I AM a good person, I DO deserve this love.....sometimes thats harder to accept then the bad things. Its almost like bad things are the norm. I"m moving past that.....but I think at least for me, that my past really breaks through in this relationship. With all the good come the fears. Fears that I'll loose what I have or fear that I won't get what I want. FEAR - False Expectation Appearing Real. Thats what I try and remind myself. I do hate the headgames I play with myself!!!!!