Quote:
Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow
My therapist and I have been talking a lot about this. I almost never make eye contact with him and have never done so in 10 years of seeing him. Before one of the first conversations about it he said that it made him consider if I might have asperger's (my brother does so there's a higher risk) but I don't have most symptoms and I make eye contact with people other than him. With him I prefer shoe contact. Actually I prefer he undo his re-arranged office and put his bookshelf back where I could look at it all the time. But I don't think he'll do that.
I think it's hard because we've talked about some incredibly detailed sexual abuse from my past, he's male and I'm shy with men but do best with male therapists for some reason, and some other things like that. He has facial hair and I'm scared of facial hair. He's asked before it it bugs me and I've said no because it's not thick and I'm too far away to see it. But it does I think. Yet what I am I supposed to do, ask the poor man to shave? There are also currently issues with how I feel about myself that come into play by making me even more uncomfortable.
I worked so hard to be able to make eye contact with my patients and other people. It's only my therapist I really struggle with most of the time.
Any thoughts?
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I do not make eye contact with anyone (BF being literally the only exception I can manage). It is painful. Too intense. The best I can manage are fleeting glimpses. Even these make me flinch. It's VERY uncomfortable.
You mention furniture. The first thing I do upon going in psych appointment is to turn off the light at the side of the couch. It's not bright or anything, but I just can't deal with it being on.
(As a side note, I hate this simplistic pop notion that somehow it indicates lying, because I am an honest person (except saying things are ok when they totally aren't), so very much resent this assumption as you can imagine. Interestingly, the biggest liar I know has
no trouble making eye contact. In fact, it's one of their biggest tells(!) I
observe people a lot. Just can't look at them.)
Also, when you mention being scared of facial hair, that doesn't seem so strange. I can't look at my sister (let alone make eye contact!) because she looks too much like our mother. It freaks me out. Undoubtedly a trauma thing. I feel terrible about it, but like you say, what can you do?(!)
You're not alone.