I hope this is the right place to post this.

I have big sexual issues. I have PTSD along with BPD. That's because I was sexually abused half a life ago and have had a hard time ever since. I've always enjoyed sex and was always happy to make love. My bf says I sometimes seem to want to eat him and like I can't stop, like I can't have enough of sex. This is true.

But I've had big issues since I had EMDR around a year ago. I think the T wasn't very experienced, although she was certified. I had EMDR for the sexual abuse. I ended up having a real bad image of my childhood (I don't think I have been abused during childhood, though), but she didn't want to work on that, saying it was not very important.

I've had flashbacks ever since. I used to sometimes zone out with my previous boyfriends, but it happened only seldom.

About a month ago my boyfriend and I had oral sex, and I really liked it but the next day I started feeling disgusting. We've only had sex once since, once in a month, it's a record for me, I mean I really love having sex, despite of all my issues. I just feel like sex is disgusting, I only want for him to hold me and nothing else. I also wash compulsively, feeling like I am disgusting. It's like I don't want to have sex anymore, ever, and I also said this to my bf. I think he was very hurt, but tried his best not to show it.

Do you have any advice? I would really appreciate it.

[I should perhaps mention that my abuse was oral. My bf says it could have been worse, which is obviously true, but it hurts when he tells me that.]