Habits I need to drastically change. One of my big ones is social skills/communication. I used to be such an outgoing person before the huge tidal wave of abuse really affecting me to the point I became a very quiet person which is not me at my core at all - it's an image of an abused person who looks so docile and in fear.

It feels my english is so bad (my first and only known language growing up) that it feels like my emotions are not matching my words (or writing). I don't seem to know anymore how to contribute to a discussion amongst friends I am too quiet and hate being labeled "the quiet one." It goes back to a fear and trust factor being shut down soo many times in my life. It's like I have to start all over again as to how to be that person I was once...because it has been killing me for years. I will finish this up later...