Yes... Perhaps I do want too much. Like I said, I'm an intense and passionate person. Maybe my desires are completely unrealistic. I could be wrong, but I don't think I'm like your ex. I'm sorry you were left high and dry. Maybe some of us are just psychologically unable to maintain a bond with a single person for life. Culture pushes us to conform to the standard progression of a relationship with the perceived goal as marriage and family. It's hard to resist this, especially when you care about someone who desires it wholeheartedly. I never meant to let anyone down, and admitting I'm struggling makes me feel so very ashamed.

I'm scared that there will be no more surprises in my life and that things will be completely static from here on out. 35 seems too young to have nothing to look forward to. I wish I were like you in the sense that you were able to fully appreciate the certainty and comfort of companionship with your partner - until he ruined it. I don't want to be that guy. There are enough of those guys.