I had a homework assignment from my T to write about sex. It brought back so many memories about being raped and just hurt really bad from men. Now I'm fighting some pretty strong urges to cut. I know cutting will not solve anything, but it would take all the pain I'm feeling away right now.

I don't know how I can ever be with a man again if I'm always going through this. All I did was write about the abuse and the men involved and I become a mess...after so many years you'd think it wouldn't affect me this way but it does. I just started crying over and over from this writing. I want it to all go away.

I had some klonopin and was thinking of taking it so I can just sleep away all my problems, but that isn't the answer to this problem. I can't keep avoiding it.

When men are doing this (abusing) why do they all have that same cold look in their eyes with an awful grin on their face? That look haunts me so badly. It's been 5 years since I was last abused by a man and it seems like only yesterday. The faces seem like I just saw them only minutes ago. They are etched in my mind.