I haven't really been on here lately but I'm having major anxiety right now and my mind is running mad. I have BP and BPD and between the ups and downs and the substance abuse, I've done some horrible things. These things are running through my head right now and it's torturous. I start back in therapy on Wednesday after being out of it for years so I'm hoping to touch base on these obsessive bad thoughts about myself soon. I feel like this illness has made me into a monster and I just want to forget everything and start fresh. I say this now, but tomorrow or next month I'll get into a "mood" and do something stupid. Why can't I have someone near me at all times to warn me of the stupid things I may do?! Just needed to vent and get that out there. Thanks for reading and the support.

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