Had a talk with friends/roommates who I've known for a year and started being roommates today. There was a talk about my attitude there was a suggestion of helping someone else out to clean their house. Yes I frown they go help whoever needs it.

I do agree I have a chip on my shoulder and shouldn't have done that didn't think I should be happy to clean. Anyway there was a talk about my age not having much to show for anything. Looking at my age yes I do agree I have no kids and want to do right for myself so I can be stable with full time job and income in new place then get my own place later on.

The truth really did hurt I still need to grieve and forgive myself not doing better a long time ago. I'm crying typing this out I had no guidance a long time ago really had no road map of being an independent adult. I'm only 30 I realized I need to start over especially job wise trying to let go of my pride.

I hate myself for not doing better a long time ago I wish I could go back in time and do it right. I feel like a failure in my own life. I'm tired and hurting I just need to vent I'll reply tomorrow.