I'm like you. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and have been for years, and I've been saying it for years.

I ran out of hope a long time ago as well, but I do appreciate your trying to help. You know, when I was well, if there really was such a time, and I worked, I presented a fairly positive attitude. A bad/negative attitude can get you booted from a job quickly, and people who are mentally healthy do not want to be around negative people, so that's why I always tried to be positive. I did a really good job of faking it until the last year that I worked.

My therapist says that it's a sympton of my sickness, and I have to retrain my brain. We even discussed it in dbt group. However, this wore out brain of mine just seems to be stuck. My therapist was trying suggestions on ways for me to be social to meet new people. I had all kinds of reasons to not be social. What's sad is the fact that I told her that being around people drives my paranoia through the roof.

Yeah, my paranoia can get scary at times. I never experienced paranoia until the last few years. What scares me is the things that some people have done when their paranoia got the best of them. I absolutely don't want it happening to myself, and I don't think it will, but it's why I have become so isolated. However, the isolation is not good because I no longer have any friends, and I could really use to find me a significant other. I don't even have someone to drive me to a doctor if need be.

Oh well. As Led Zep sang, I've "Rambled On" long enough.