Are others (still) hurt by your behaviour? Maybe you can talk to them whether they remember and are still hurt by the experience or don't want anything to do with you.
Many things that haunt me, my "victims" have long forgotten.
You probably assume the worst.
You are your own biggest enemy, not the of others (likely).
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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