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Old May 22, 2016, 07:59 AM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
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Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Quote:
Originally Posted by raspberrytorte View Post
I'm having a wrong situation right now. I should try to explain what this is like without saying wrong or not right.

However, there isn't anything wrong with the way I feel. I just feel wrong! My very being feels wrong right now!

I feel unfocused (not literally. My mind does!), off key, off kilter, not right...

Damn it! I used not right!

I can't explain this feeling!! But it's the feeling I can't handle! And when I try explaining it people look at me like I have two heads!

I FEEL ****ED!

(Husband: what does that mean? can you elaborate? what do you mean you feel wacked? lol!)

Hypervigilant. That's a nice word. Dread, also nice. Anxiety is also nice.

I also have this internal frenzied feeling, which I also can't really explain (you'd think I'd be better at this! haha).

I have these obsessive thoughts. ALL DAY LONG!!! Same things. It drives me crazy. If I could just not think for five minutes, but really, who can do that? I can't even do that when I feel right.

I don't know. Thinking about this is giving me a headache.
If you could explain it, it wouldn't be irrational or insane. We're so much beyond that rational nonsense. Will write more later (if I don't forget: I wish, as it is). I need to be overactive for a bit, anxiety relief.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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