Well, this is going to be quite a complicated one.

Up until 27/04/2016 I was a cannabis addict. I smoked just about every day of my life for a period of around a year, before that I wasn't an everyday smoker but smoked A LOT. I decided to stop as I thought it was time to sort my head out as I was starting to feel rather psychotic and paranoid, these feeling carried on for a while along with some anxiety, dissociation, no motivation, a cluttered mind.

After around a week or so of abstinence I was getting back into one of my passions which is road cycling and everything was starting to feel very good, I was thoroughly enjoying my hobby, somehow still in peak physical fitness after all the smoking, it felt like my mind was starting to come back to me and I felt like myself again, I was still smoking CIGARETTES but knew that very soon, I would build myself up to stop smoking them which is exactly what I done.

12 days ago I think, could be 13, I stopped. I continued as usual with my cycling but have been very irritable and tense, after a few days to a week... Anxiety. Quite severe, poor concentration, short term memory lapses, I can't stop thinking that I might be going crazy as I was thinking after the cannabis abstinence, convincing myself I'm suffering a form of early dementia or schizophrenia when I reality I probably am not, and my hobbies are just becoming SO DULL. Yeah, I'm riding my bike loads some may say I'm overdoing it riding 50 miles a ride multiple days a week but I'd always enjoyed that in the past.

The thing is I am just not really craving a cigarette but get myself so worked up I tell myself to start smoking again as I feel it will get me out of this place so I can enjoy my cycling and feel a little more social again. Why am I getting this when I am not getting the cravings? Is that even normal? Is my body just so used functioning with nicotine that I now must pay the price and battle on until it forgets about it? I don't remember my last attempt and no cigarettes being like this.

I feel as though I should go to cycling club and try to connect with fellow cyclists but I just don't know anyone there and after a history of poor connections and no-one really wanting to know me probably because I was a bit different in school resulting in bullying I just find it hard to connect and come up with excuses every time I get myself built up to go along!

Can anyone offer any insight into exactly what might be going on here? Has any one else had experience with coming off cigarettes? This honestly feels worse than after stopping the weed. I just don't feel anything except worry and disinterest.

On a more positive note I am fairly proud of myself for managing to come off both these addictions in such a close time scale. Trying to stay away from intoxication all together but I have had one beer now and then. No harm in that I guess but it can leave my feeling a bit bad.