It sounds like you're suffering right now. Dropping your meds so quickly could be a contributing factor. Your posts feel like agitation to me. For me, that's a hard place to make rational decisions, or to follow through. It's ok to ask for help. It's ok to mess up. It's ok to want things to change, but why does that have to happen one way, or immediately? I hope you reach out to your t and pdoc right away. I feel worried about you. I hope you are safe.