What's your research about?
It all sounds quite normal. Maybe you can just order food?
I'm sure your dissertation isn't ushering in a new era of civilisation. That would be unlikely even for any work done before you retire.
I'd say your depression is like post-mania depression because your view gets warped almost like when psychotic. Something that is the only thing of importance for 5 years and is theoretical, like a delusion, a mere hypothesis, is bound to cause a similar reaction as you get after mania.
And even if you panic and are unable to speak you'll get your PhD. A defence is a show.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
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