I thought about doing that. I talked with Grandma today and told her that dad wanted to do the buffet thing and that I told him I didn't know if she'd be comfortable there. She was glad I did that, because she is very uncomfortable with buffets because she can't see well and is unsteady on her feet. I told her I wanted to tell him it would be better just the 3 of us, and she asked me not to. He's still her son and while she's hurt, she doesn't want to make him mad.

I came home to a frustrating email from dad saying "thats why he hates planning this *****." He said he asked her first and she said anywhere was fine. I explained that anywhere would be fine, that she probably wasn't expecting a buffet.

So hopefully he'll pick another restaurant that she likes. He said he'll call her later. I hate seeing her in pain over her sons. At least I spoke up to change the location, but we'll still have to go and see the other 2 women. We both joked that at least we'll have each other there.

When my mom died 8 years ago, he had started having a relationship with this woman before my mom died, while she was sick. This woman is a nurse and he met her at the bar where his band used to play. At first he was asking her questions about cancer and what not, and then they fell for each other and had a secret relationship. I stumbled upon them holding hands when dad and I went to a concert at a country music club. I kept the secret. Then, he brought this woman to the wake, introducing her as his friend. Right after my mom died, this woman tried to take her place, coming to family functions and what not. It has never sat well with my grandma and me. We play nice but we're not happy about it. If they had just waited.....just waited until my mom was at least put to rest, we might have a different view of this situation.

Now the birthday lunch is all contingent on this woman's schedule and her mother's eating habits. Its really really hard for me to roll over and say nothing when I see my grandma hurting so, but she asked me not to.

Not only has my mom been gone 8 years, but I don't feel like my dad is a dad. My friends in AA are more my family, and members here.