There is a saying, "when you know better, you do better". I doubt you've premeditated any of the bad actions. You didn't say "I feel like doing something stupid that will haunt me forever". When you do things you later regret, you simply do not know better at that time. Please cut yourself some slack. Focus instead on learning how you work. It's impossible to be perfect, so expect some backslides. Focus on learning to do better in the future. Turn each bad experience into something to learn and grow from. With practice, you will get better at making good choices. It might not be easy to see, but it will happen. (((hugs)))