I can hear how frustrating this is! It's been 10 years since my "event" that caused PTSD, and it's taken me a while to get to a place where I feel like I can handle things as they come up. There are bound to be some setbacks, but it's a slow process. I think you are doing phenomenally - being able to accomplish the functional stuff like school and work, and self care is tremendous... i found these things most challenging, almost felt like I had to be reintroduced into the world.

Just last week in therapy I was talking about a trigger that set me off, just when I thought I had reached a balanced place. My therapist helped me see that even though I had the trigger, I had more control over my reaction, and I still was able to finish my workday and keep my appt.

I still feel angry about the event, and feel it has permanently altered how i see people and things (more aware of potential dangers, always scan for exits, weapons can use, very cautious, less trustful), but I've had to just accept it and try to find ways to keep engaging with the world in spite of it. To be totally cliche, it's like a tree that's been scarred - the scar never goes away, but the tree still grows around it, integrates it. I feel such a cultural expectation for me to simply cut off the trauma/bad feelings/events like a dead limb and move on. As though I could just amputate the experience and feelings, "quit dwelling on the past", "quit letting it define you", and "stop being negative."

blah blah blah..... the main point is, yeah it sucks, yes it might come out of left field and surprise you, and while it may soften it might not entirely go away. But you are doing all the hard work, and I think this evidences a belief in something better for your future that you might not have verbalized but have been creating nevertheless.

Take care!