i know that part of having bpd is anger, but normally it is very brief and intense for me. I can usually realize when my anger is not justified and i can even apologize to whomever i blew up at. But lately there is something new about my anger. I have this, at times, all consuming rage against my mother and to a lesser degree my father. I am not sure if it is because of all the horrible things they did to me growing up or because they won't talk to me since I moved out and my husband and i bought a house (4 years ago) Maybe the anger is from grief the grief of realizing i never had a childhood.

The thing about this is my thoughts are getting out of control. I haven't acted on any of this anger (probably because i don't have any interactions with my parents) But the daydreams and nightmares i have about me seeking revenge to make them realize what they did to me and make them pay dearly for it are unreal. My dreams would be rated R for extreme violence and excessive gore. I wouldn't even begin to describe them here , I wouldn't want to trigger anyone.

this type of anger is so new to me i don't understand it. I don't know how to make it go away. Normally I have a very forgiving nature, I am always giving people the benefit of the doubt that either they didn't know or didn't meant to do something wrong. My husband is always saying "you're a better person than me" because i can forgive and forget so easily. I thought i forgave my parents years ago but i must be mistaken because where does all this rage come from.

Help! How do i make it go away?
Linda