I had a chat with a friend yesterday, and it made me realize how much of a mess I really am. I admitted a lot of things, because I know this friend would understand. Today I am more aware of my problems and how deep-rooted they are, and to be honest that does not make me feel any better. I feel kinda worse actually. Every time I reach this level of realization, admitting to myself that my actions are self-harming and ruinous to me, I shun this feeling. I bury it. Ignore it. Will it happen again? Most likely. Even my therapist doesn't know what to say about it, and she's the smartest person I know. I hope I'll be strong enough to face it this time.