First of all, you are not disgusting. and your boyfriend has no right saying that to you. Everyones experiences and lives could be worse. For instance, having one hand become paralyzed isn't as bad as having both hands become paralyzed, but both instances are horrible and are going to change your life, and it's something to be overcome in both situations.

Oral sex definitely seems to be a trigger for you. Did he ask for it or did you offer? Perhaps it would help you to avoid triggers until you have healed more.