hey. the stuff about personalities wasn't about what personalities don't belong together, it was a theory on what personalities tend to be attracted to each other. the notion is... that while horoscopes don't have any predictive power better than chance past relationship patterns predict future relationship patterns fairly well.

so... it wasn't that people with those kinds of pathology (or with tendancies towards those kinds of pathology) shouldn't be together because of how that can turn out... i take it to be more of a story about what can happen when pathology is extreme and hence... it is something to watch out for and something to take steps towards preventing.

my main thing... is that i want someone to look after me. soothing, safe, secure, reliable. because i have intense idealising needs. mr man is fairly happyish with me idealising him but i need to be careful to keep that in check. how come? because if i feel too dependent on someone then there is the potential for me to rage / devalue if i feel like they fail to meet my needs. there is also the possibility of my feeling smothered and terrified of feeling so dependent. i need to be careful that i keep working towards being independent and being self sufficient (e.g., thats what went wrong with his last relationship. he looked after her and she didn't have anything of her own to be getting on with and she ended up feeling trapped and dissatisfied so she left). it is important to both of us that that isn't repeated...

but he likes for me to idealise him a little. because it helps him feel strong and powerful and needed. a little of it is fine - just be careful to moderate it. because too much strength and power and feeling a bit smothered and having fears of merger can result in angry lashing out attacking sadistic kinds of ways of coping. similarly... mirroring seems to be most important to him.

i wonder if when you idealise someone a little that results in your mirroring them.

if that is why the pathologies / tendencies are meant to be complimentary.

i think that might be it. i mean lets face it, since i do tend to idealise i'm more likely to be found attractive to people who need to be idealised a little. and since i need to idealise i'm more likely to find people attractive who are happy / comfortable with that.

complimentary.
it is only when it is extreme that it is unhealthy / pathological...