I read in the paper yesterday about dogs used in fights and a photo of them.

Time I got to T yesterday morning, I walked in saying I feel very negative and don't want to be part of a world, where people could stand by and watch 2 living creatures kill each other, and not respond to crys of pain that must be heard.

T said, "you Identify with those dogs" Geez did I blubber then.

I said, "but I'm whole, I'm not blooded and bleeding"

T replied "no not on the outside"

Then I cried hidden behind my hand with teeth grinding, and feet tapping the whole session trying to compose myself.

Eventually I heard this voice in my head keepp saying "hello, how are you?" It wouldn't stop.

I remember as a child people saying what a happy child I appeared, but it seems that smile, was hiding so much more.

T asked me did I know why I went round to strangers smiling and asking how they were?

I shrugged.

T said, did you smile with your adoptive mother?

I said, I dont remember 1 time that we interacted like that. She was a very depressed woman who kept her head down constantly.

T said, that is why I was looking for that smiling interaction from others.

The thing that struck me is why did that voice keep talking in my head yesterday as I sat slumped and crying?

Was it because thats a part that took over to hide the intense saddness I was feeling yesterday, that must have been there a long time ago?

Its like 2 parts that normally are seperate, were working together yesterday, yeah thats it, it was the felt there they were there at the same time. Is that a sign of coming together?