there might be some interesting answers to your questions in the link i provided in the other thread...

i've heard of a technique that is sometimes used in sex therapy...

the notion is that the first thing to work on is enjoying non-sexual touch. so... nice touching that is non-sexual (where there is no pressure or promise of sex). massage. maybe start small... get him to massage your hand or something that feels kind of safe. being able to relax while he touches you in a non-sexual way and being able to enjoy the sensations. then (gradually) moving to being able to relax and enjoy touch of other parts of your body.

it is meant to be a gradual process...