Hi sriracha, I'm new and relate to how you are feeling. THanks for this post. I'm actually much worse off than you. You at least have a job and are functioning day-to-day. I'm not even at your level yet.

I've been in therapy for several years now with the same psychologist and made zero progress. She told me she did her dissertation on PTSD, which I guess is supposed to mean she is an expert on PTSD. But after spending a few hours here last night reading posts I see that this isn't true at all. I had already decided to find another therapist before I found this forum (my family wants this, too) and I'm even more determined now. But I think I'll hang out here awhile first and learn more. This will arm me with information that will help me to better assess if the therapist will be able to help me. (I think I'll make a list of questions to ask as I shop around.)

One problem is that I have trouble seeing options for myself. I was hoping I might start to get out in the world again by doing some volunteer work. But everyone wants references nowadays, and since I haven't worked in years, and have been socially isolated for years, too, I don't have any.

I, too, was going to school when PTSD symptoms became so severe I had to drop out. (I was going to graduate school.) My grades dropped so much that it wrecked my transcript so going back won't be an option.

My PTSD probably stems from many traumas over the years, but it really became severe when I found myself the target of a specific type of abuse/violence that began while I was in graduate school and went on for years.

One thing that helped me for a long time was I created an information website on that particular violence I had experienced. I researched the issue, and related issues, wrote articles for the main website and also a blog, published other peoples stories (eventually I published over 100), researched resources, etc. After a year or two, it became the top website on the Internet for that particular issue.

The thing is, creating and managing the site brought purpose to what happened to me. It meant there was a reason for it. And I was able to work on it when I felt up to it. When I didn't feel up to it, I took a break. It was out there for years, until I eventually became to ill to manage it and had to take it down. (I was still a target of the abuse that caused me to create it in the first place.) But I hope to put it back out there again one day when I'm better because nothing else has appeared on the net to take it's place.

You don't have to have computer programming ability to create a website. There is free software that works like a word processor so anyone can do it now. Just take what you have been learning about combating violence and put it out there on the Internet. Publish other peoples stories. Work on it when you can. Take a break when you need to or when you get triggered. You can go entirely at your own pace and you won't have to give up on the work you have been wanting to do. It's a safe way to keep up with your dream, but in such a way that might help you heal enough so that you can eventually go back to working towards combating violence "in the real world," off the internet.

The other things I done in the past was to watch movies I can relate to that have messages of hope, particularly in terms of rebuilding a life after trauma. My favorite to watch was The Shipping News. (I don't have it with me where I am living now--I should go get it.) Also, reading about real life success stories has been helping me hang on.

But building the website was the best thing I've done to help me find a purpose to what has happened to me.

If you decide to do a website, and need anymore information, let me know. I'd be happy to help you get started in any way.

-Ceara1010