So T's birthday is next week. He did not tell me this, this is information I found out a long time ago when I was looking for a T, and scouring the net to be sure I vetted any potentially bad T's out before I committed. I found some good reviews he had posted on a resort he stayed at, and some journal articles, and then something I wish I could unsee, which is a family tree one of his relatives put up online, which details birthdays and birthplaces of all his family. I haven't looked at it again, but T's birthday stuck in my head.

Anyway.... this week I sent T a list of my negative self-talks that I do, because they are so horrible and vile I could not stand to tell him in person. But I do believe this self-talk, plus the noise and yelling in my head, is really affecting me so I do want to put it on the table. I also asked, knowing that his b-day is on the day of our next session, if we could switch to the following day, because I don't want to subject him to this on his bday. He usually has availability. After I sent it, he replied with a "thanks for sending" note, which was short but longer than other notes he has sent, noting that he would be gone the other days of the week, so he couldn't switch me. Ugh. Well, I ended up cancelling because I just know it's going to be a super emotional session and I really don't want T to have this negativity on his birthday.

Have you ever felt you needed to spare your T from your emotions on a birthday or other important day? Was I right to cancel?

Lola