That's the darnedest thing about grief...it doesn't process in a linear progression. It comes in waves. And damned if it refuses to come on our schedule. Seems to have one all it's own. It's soooo exhausting and SO much work.
That's why I've always preferred reading about William Worden's TASKS of grief, rather than Kubler-Ross's stages of grief. Tasks seems more suitable...it's soooo much effort. His four stages are also easier to explain to people, imho.
I swiped this from a website...I don't endorse it or know it at all, it just had a brief explanation I could steal (
http://www.spicewoodgroup.com/html/grief.html)
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Grief is also described as a series of tasks that must be accomplished. Worden (1982) suggests the four tasks described below.
The first task is to accept the reality of the loss. You stop "searching" or trying to recreate the relationship or the person. You stop denying the meaning of the loss. You allow pain to surface.
The second task is to allow yourself to feel the pain of grief. In some cases this means resisting the urge to not feel, or resisting the advice that others give which suggest pain or sorrow are unnecessary or unhealthy. It may also mean that you should resist the urge to run or escape feeling pain (i.e., by traveling, eating or drinking, overworking, etc.)
The third task focuses on adjusting to an environment without the person who was lost. For instance, you learn to live alone, sleep alone, go places alone, do work that the other did, or handle frequent reminders of them. Often your self-concept and world-view must also adjust to accept the loss.
The final task involves letting go of the person, or "relocating" your feelings for that person. This first involves finding a "place" for the one lost in your emotional life. Secondly, you make emotional energy available for other engagements. Completion of this task is indicated when you are open to future but not necessarily parallel relationships.
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Anyhow, those are the basics of Worden! I'll bet you already know about his work. I think I tend to get stuck on task two. That one's a doozy!
Please keep working hard - I can feel how much pain you are in. You are in my thoughts more than you would know.
emmy