Confusing feelings. I almost feel like doing some cutting just so that I could post that I did, even though I don't quite feel like cutting right now (haven't done it for 1 week). Weird. I should be happy, especially after getting that job that I originally wanted that someone else got. It's cool, but I just don't have the enthusiasm I ought to. My T labeled that kind of thing "refusal to engage with positive emotions." I don't like the word refusal in there. I'd like to be able to engage, but I just don't know how.