Thanks Mouse.

I do feel a little better this morning, having slept at least fitfully for a change. Strange scary dreams of flying in airplanes that would dive straight downward through clouds and dark (hm, maybe they were part spaceship) for long long periods of time and then finally balance out and find sunlight. The memory's vivid, especially the voice of the pilot who was explaining that the dive was normal and a shortcut. I felt like we'd fallen off the planet. And of course that I could barely hold on (was being dragged out of my seat by the force of the dive).

I don't think my life will be as good as it once was again. It's a sad realization for me, but I think I've already peaked so to speak. Along with other things, I bombed out in love and don't think I will be able to try again. And the worst is that it was my fault, my own inability to appreciate. I may always be alone. T is the one I hold onto these days, and I fear that I may lose him too.

I used to get up and do things. Today I'm still in my pajamas at 11:30.

Sidony