Thank you very much for your input, and sorry to hear that you no longer are the person who you used to be, and I hope you will become that person again, and even better.

For me, I'm not a good actor, because the overwhelming emotions that I have are stronger to be hidden. And to be honest, I feel depressed as well, so I don't have the energy/motivation to mask my real self. I know it is a cycle, but I don't have the power to break it now.