i just feel numb most of the time at this point . i so want to hurt myself badly as soon as i can . so much in my head . i have appointments tomorrow so i cant do anything .it will have to be after that . ill never tell my T but i just need to get some sort of control here . my head is screaming and i cant keep the buffer for long .i just want to loose myself .i have no reason to fight all the horribleness in my head and world . this is my place .