Candybear,

I could have written almost every word you put down there. When we are young, we are vulnerable and we soak it up like a sponge.

And what have some of us soaked up?? Poison, that's what.

We have been rubbished and invalidated as children and then we end up blaming ourselves.

What you have said about not being able to hear the good for the bad is so very, very true. We've been programmed to hate ourselves by people who weren't prepared to accept us and love us for what we were, vulnerable children. Hmm nice work.

Just before my Mum died I was visiting her, and helping out as much as the strained relationship would allow. I plucked up all my courage and asked her, "Mum, what was I like as a child?" There was a long pause and then she said, "You were bad."

That was the word she used "bad". At the time I was cut to pieces, but now I'm thinking whether I would ever have said that to a child of mine who was doing their best to help me. You know what? I'm just not the type.

Candybear, I hope you can let this stuff go at some point because it surely is a heavy weight to carry. I've managed to put down a lot of my stuff, and I would never want it back again.

PS - Here's a funny one. Quite a few years ago when I was estranged but still duty visiting my parents, we went there on the way to a holiday somewhere. My wife and I had our little daughter with us and my parents asked if they could have our daughter to stay for the week.

What do you think I said? Very quietly, very gently, I just said - "NO."

I guess you have to earn a person's trust.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen,