It's weird. I just cannot seem to come to love anybody. Since I was a child my family has been a little detached. Nobody has said "I love you" to anybody. My parents always hated each other (the only reason they're together currently is because of me and my siblings). I remember when I was 5 I asked my mom if she loves dad and she said love isn't real and it's something created by the media to make money. I believed her. I didn't believe in love for a long time afterwards. No love for anybody, not my family and not my friends.

Now I'm lost. I have a bestfriend and whenever she's leaving we give a hug with an "I love you". I hesitate to say this. It's weird. She's my best friend and I don't love her. Whenever I force myself to say that to her I feel like I'm lying. We've been friends for a while now and I probably have said it twice or thrice whereas she says it all the time. I just don't get it.

Then there's my boyfriend. Been in a relationship with him for 4 months and friends for 7 before that. He says he's wildly and passionately in love with me. He would literally do anything for me and he says I'm his whole world. But I don't feel the same. Don't get me wrong though, he's so important to me, I admire him a lot, and I would hate to lose him but I don't feel "love". I don't understand what's wrong with me. Why can't I be passionately in love with him? I feel like he fell in love with the wrong person, a person that can never give him love. I care about him a lot. When he's sick I make sure I can do whatever I possibly can to make him feel better. if he wants to go somewhere far with me I'll pack my bags and go with him. But I don't think I love him.

What's the problem with me? Why am I unable to love? I feel so awkward when my best friend/boyfriend tell me that they love me. It takes me a lot of courage to even say anything slightly as affectionate back. Even when my boyfriend says he thinks I'm the most amazing woman in the world I find it difficult to look him in the eyes and say the same back to him. I end up just looking away, pausing, and then apologizing for acting cold when he says that (Does anybody know how to help this?? I really need help for this because I'm acting very cold). im just unable to show affection like that. How do I even deserve somebody that gives me their all while I give nothing in return? I act so cold and unaffectionate. I feel horrible and I'm not sure what to do.

Any advice is appreciated. I feel like it's destroying my relationships. Thanks.