I go through periods like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm simply unravelling. Then there are other times when I feel like I'm just perfectly normal, which causes me to feel embarrassed by things I did or said during times when I felt I was unravelling. There have been times when I have looked at myself in the mirror & thought: "Why do you say those things about yourself... why do you do that? You're just a normal, everyday person." But then, at the same time, I can look back at my history & see all of the secret weirdness that supports the idea I never was "normal".

From my perspective, one's pain is one's pain. One doesn't have to justify it. There is no threshold below which one does not deserve to consider oneself to be in pain. The fact that you've felt the need to assuage your pain via self harm, drinking & pills is proof enough (if indeed you need proof) that your pain is real, regardless of the reasons for it.