The IOP I go to has it's own number to call in emergencies and last week I got **** for not calling it when I was thinking about suicide. Today has been hard in terms of suicidal ideations but I'm scared to call because I feel like I'm not bad enough. I don't have a concrete plan, but I've been brainstorming. I also don't want to call and them tell me to go to the hospital because I know I'm not that bad yet.
So at what point do I call them?

Oh, I should probably mention that the number goes to either the counselor that runs the place or the psychiatrist that works there who both know me and what I deal with pretty well.