So, I had a very weird (for me) dream this morning. I normally dream about really straightforward things, like forgetting to get something on the grocery list, or something equally as mundane. My dream this morning was 'normal' in that, unlike my husband and many others I know, it was like a real-life situation. No superpowers, no weird anti-physics/anti-reality stuff going on.
I dreamed that I was having a therapy appointment with an older male therapist. In reality, not someone I know, and I sort of had the feeling in the dream like I didn't know him particularly well; maybe a newer therapist or something. I noticed when I came in to the appointment that he had some pillows and a crumpled sheet on his couch - like he slept there routinely and didn't really tidy up or something. He sat on the couch for the session, and for some reason I was sitting on the floor. I was talking to him initially and trying to explain to him what I was hoping to achieve in therapy. The next thing I knew, I was sort of coming back to awareness. I had been in a totally black space, but hadn't realized it. I was sort of rocking back and forth when I 'came to' and he was just patiently staring at me, waiting. I asked how long I was out (btw, in real life this doesn't happen to me), and he said about 30 minutes. I noticed that I had an ace bandage or something like that wrapped around the top of my head, but that once I noticed it I knew it had been there the whole time. No idea what that was about.
Anyway, he had a really kind look on his face, and he told me calmly, 'Come here.' Like he was trying to comfort me.
Possible trigger:
I immediately got the squicks - very off feeling about that. I sort of scooted a little closer to the table in front of the couch, nearer where he was by about a foot, but didn't really approach him. The next thing I know, he was calmly taking off his pants and reclined back on the couch. He had really long, loose white pants on under his suit (weird), and was now wearing those and a white undershirt. I leaned back from where I was and just calmly told him that this was headed in a way that was unsuitable - I can't remember the word I used, but I was really calm. He seemed apologetic and sort of shrugged sheepishly...like he hadn't meant to make me feel uncomfortable at all. I stood up and turned to get my things, and then he came up behind me and when I turned, he was completely nude, much younger/stronger, and had a deliberate and aggressive look in his eye. He said something along the lines of, 'Oh no you don't' and pulled me to the ground. I was between his legs, but still semi-upright. I told him he had exactly one chance to back off, or I would basically demolish him. I had my elbow poised to strike, but I didn't do it.
I don't know why I didn't just react and protect myself. I don't know why I turned my back on him in the first place. I have trained in martial arts for years, and this is one of my fears - that I'll freeze when push comes to shove; that I'm not, for all my training, capable of honestly protecting myself.
And I don't know why this was the scenario, why it was a therapist. I'm not normally able to remember dreams in detail at all, and this was hours ago, now. It's still really disturbing to me. I'm figuring my mind is trying to work something else out - but I'm not sure what. Maybe about vulnerability/trust and having that abused? Maybe about inadequacy? Maybe about feeling unsafe? I don't know...and I can't figure out how to not think about it.
Do any of you have vivid/real dreams like this? What do you make of it when it happens?