Thanks Purple_fins and Skeezyks,

Well I've made it through the morning. I've been hanging out on line, when I'm not having massive fits of crying. I'm just so sad, at how much of my life I've wasted, and how hard it's going to be to get back on track.

I took a clonazepam to help deal with the withdrawal, and that's helped a little.

I did manage to eat some vegetable soup for lunch, and I'm going to make and try to eat, some chicken fried rice for dinner. That's my ultimate comfort, withdrawal cure. I probably won't be able to eat more than a few forkfulls but it's better than nothing, and I can have whatever's left for breakfast tomorrow.

I feel like such a loser. It's been 11 years since I first sought help for my drinking, and in a couple of months it'll be 6 years since I last worked full time. I feel like I've thrown away everything I spent the first half of my life building up.

AT the end of June, I'm going to have to depend on my brother to support me financially which I hate because it gives him control over my life. But I don't have a lot of other options until I can get some sober time under my belt, and start seriously looking for work again.

My addiction Dr. tells me that I just have an extremely strong form of the disease, but that doesn't help. I've seen countless people get and stay sober, and I can't seem to pull together more than a few months sober in the past few years. I hate this F*ing disease.

Ok - the day's half over. I can do this.