I haven't SI'd in over 5 years. Over the years, I've had passing thoughts of si, but nothing I couldn't dismiss relatively easily. Today is different. I'm trying to get sober, and today is my first day of detox, so I'm feeling sick and really emotional. I'm having very strong urges to SI because I know it would relieve the emotional intensity I'm feeling.

But I'm not going to. I refuse to go back there, since who knows how long it would take me to stop again, once I opened that door.

It's just really frustrating that the thoughts are so strong, after so many years of being free from SI.

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