Hi, Jon: I definitely feel your pain, as I have been in a similar situation w/ my spouse for over half of our marriage (8 out of 16 years). We have two dependent children, by choice and they are one of the reasons we keep an intact household. I have to step up and take my share of the burden for how things have turned out in the relationship: I have been dishonest w/ my wife (never cheated or had affairs, etc) and made some bad decisions regarding finances that we are just now getting out of. To top it off, we are both in careers that don't pay much and splitting things two ways with two households would be very difficult. Nonetheless, we have both agreed that once we are on better footing financially and our extra debts are settled, we will work on a plan to separate and divorce. It's sad and not exactly what I want, but she has come to this position and it is my job to accept it and make the best of it. Staying in a situation where I am not getting my needs met is a recipe for anger and resentment, but I am working hard day to day not to let this happen.
So, all I understand about your situation is that your wife is no longer in love with you and would like to end the marriage. I haven't heard anything about what her rationale or motives are or if you have done something that led to this situation. Have you sought your own counseling? You obviously have some pretty strong feelings about this and it sounds like the drunken evening allowed you to let your guard down and all this emotion came out. From my own perspective, as Skeezyks has alluded to, sometimes the best you can do is try to make amends and avoid repeating past mistakes. As many wise people have said, "If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging and put the shovel down."