I can tell when I'm hypo or manic. My doctor said I have good insight. I feel like I'm pumped up with drugs. It's kinda hard to miss. But just because I'm hypo, doesn't mean I want help or see a need for it. I always feel like I have it under control "this time" and that family and doctors are making mountains out of molehills. I think quicker, I'm smarter than ever and everyone, I make excellent plans that could save humanity from destroying itself. Then things turn and I become aware I need help. Everything turns wrong, ugly, scary. I wish I didn't enjoy being hypo so much, but the reduction in my chronic pain alone is enough to entice me to ride the wave, even though I don't know how to surf. It's all very complicated.