My grandfather passed away last June. We were notified by phone at night. Everyone started crying and I didn’t know for sure what was happening, but even before being told I knew, I imagined who it was. I don’t remember that day too well. The thing is, the following Christmas (in my birthday, by the way), another relative of mine died, and once again we were notified by phone. It was before dawn, and we were all waken up by the call.

From then on every time I hear the phone ringing, specially at odd hours, I immediately fear that someone else has died. I consciously know that it is completely irrational, yet I cannot help myself. It is not a phobia, either, since I’m not scared or have the urge to flee. I simply become extremely anxious, to the point of eavesdropping the beginning of every conversation to make sure everything is alright.

I don’t understand why this is happening, since I think I have already got over the death of my grandfather. I think of him, and I mostly don’t feel sad, nor I try to avoid places where he often was, like the rest of my family (except the graveyard, I have never gone back there). So, why does this keep happening to me?