For me, its useful to give this subject an airing, how we respond to eachother, or dont respond.
I write here because I long to make contact at a deep level, and I feel this is a place to challenge myself and learn to relate. I think I'm trying to do a developmental stage here, which I failed to do in therapy.
When I post, I dissolve with neediness for positive replies, maybe I come accross as knowing some stuff, and I do, but I recognise that inside, I've got the emotional age of a toddler going on, as well as all my pd reactions. for example i step right into the unwanted role, when I first read your post fuzzy, I felt it was me you were talking to.

I'm here in order to try to bring myself back out of exile and make human contact and prevent myself from floating off the planet out of range of human contact. when I look down the boxes and see I was the last one to share and didnt get answered, I die of shame, and feel like giving up.

So, I dont know, if some of this vulnerability is related to any of what you've been experiencing.

How do you grow up? Im not making as good a job of it as I'd hoped. I seem to reamain insatiably needy, cant feel a secure senst of belonging. My pattern is to walk and somewhere else becomes where the cookies at, but i'm trying to stay present and be honest about my feelings. I'm glad you came back and kept talking.

Ive heard recovery is an inside job, then I've also heard we heal in relationship, oh god, its difficult at the minut for me, I feel like I've been running, I think I've done really well, then look round and find I'm in exactly the same ................... place.

river.