Thanks everyone.
I just slept a few hours, natural sleep, and took a zopiclone so i can stay asleep all night. I'm feeling better about everything that's happened/is happening. I had a good text conversation with the person i've been seeing the most, and we figured out how we feel and what we want in the relationship, so that's good. There are many side tangents here, including going to an event with a group of people who know various amounts of the story and is going to be complicated to sort out. But i haven't done anything wrong, so of people judge me that's really their problem. Everything has been honest and with full disclosure, so no one is cheating and everyone is fully consenting. So yeah, that feels better, but i'll see how the event actually goes. I won't bore you folks with the details right now.

My mdma session is tomorrow, and i hear what you folks are saying, but also feel this is something i need to do in order to face some things that have been psychologically torturing me since childhood. It is legal and in a safe and controlled setting. The therapist is aware of my bipolar diagnosis and other meds. It is not street ecstacy or molly, is it pure and from an actual pharmacy. So i have anxiety, because it's a big deal, but it's a safe as possible, and a rare opportunity to be in the study. I'm not technically a subject, but i've helped a lot with the process of phase 2 and i know everyone, and it's connected with the hospital i work for, so i'm getting a chance. I'm clearing my system as much as possible, no alcohol orc street drugsCand only Rx drugs, healthy food and the fasting for 24 hours. Loads of you for months, drugs when hypomanice can brcbad and vknow there is risk snd i'm willing to they hsve drugs to come doen ans friend to stat suoports id after another too call for back up over rightt sdssion is 2 pm snd is 3 hours long, before my friend take over psychoks from street mdma has happened to me befote yrears ago but this feels safer and necessary for my healing snd gettjng lost piece of my self back, so i can enough to take bryter care. I'm off work s weeks for a medical pricrdure just to be on the safe song. I following this up with s 3 day shamanic workshops for woubded healers. And stickibng with 90% of my meds. So here goes. I'm already fasting because was 24 hours only clear fluid. So work and the morning. And this in that afternoon. If it's ok i'll post about is after works. I hoping for bits of soul reltrieval, insight, and healing.
I don't feel manic now more making bad choices, i need to figure out what us helping whst is good, and to do next do next. I've just seen gp and in perfect physical health , so should be fine. Wish me luck

I appreciate you reading a support