I don't know you, but from what I've read I don't feel you are thinking clearly.
I don't know much about your personal situation either.

However, I have lived with a mother struggling with severe depression and her being hospitalized for a long time. This was really hard sometimes but I would NEVER have chosen not to be with her. When we had to live more with my dad (they are divorced) I was really confused and hurt. (However she was never far away. A 10 minute drive). In the end I understood it was because she was too tired and needed space to get better, but I spent a long time hurting because I felt she shut us out.

One thing is to leave your child with someone else while getting yourself back to a better place to be, it is completely different to leave completely.