I don't know if this will be beneficial, but I feel I need to talk to someone about some struggles I'm having with my emotions...

I have always been a sensitive person. I was raised by a single father who ran a tight ship and had no tolerance for my sensitivity. He reacted harshly to any mistakes/misbehavior and discouraged talking about emotions. He was a great dad, but it always made me jumpy whenever I knew I might get in trouble, because the reaction always seemed to be more severe than the crime itself (never to the degree of abuse, but being so sensitive, aggressive reprimands were just as severe a blow). As I've grown older, I've found myself unable to cope with the anxiety that arises whenever I make a mistake, whether it be at work or within my relationships. I immediately become extremely apologetic, ashamed, and often will lie to cover up my mistakes even when they are minor and inadvertant. When confronted regarding these mistakes, even if approached kindly, I experience extreme anxiety. I've never been able to get a handle on my self-worth and have always felt that if I do not behave perfectly in every aspect of my life, I am therefor a failure and have no purpose being involved in the situation, whether it be a job or a relationship. These feelings/moods can last for weeks. I realize on an intellectual level that these feelings are too extreme, inappropriate to the situations, and are having a significant negative impact on my ability to succeed at work, and my ability to maintain healthy relationships. My husband is constantly frustrated by "dramatic reactions" and I have a hard time being around people at all due to my anxieties and shame. This became so severe that I sunk into alcoholism for several years, hiding from my emotions, and now that I am free (for about a year and half now) from the grips of alcohol, my guilt and sensitivity has worsened significantly. I found an author who was significantly appealing to my intellectual and emotional needs, until I stumbled upon a concept I'd never heard of before: he said that being overly sensitive is a subtle, passive form of domestic violence, that it holds other people hostage to what they can say and do around you. This startled me and has lit a fire under me to get a better grip on my emotions, but also has only made me feel worse about my inability to do so.

It is incredibly frustrating to understand these emotions on an intellectual basis, but finding myself unable to manage the emotions when they arise. Does anyone have some tips on how they learned to manage these extreme emotions and live a normal life? I am tired of jumping from job to job every time I make a mistake because of my overwhelming guilt and shame. I'm tired of being unable to have a constructive conversation when criticized, and extremely tired of feeling worthless all the time. I have talked to a life coach and a couple counselors, but I can't afford the kind of in-depth therapy I need. I am saving my pennies to do that, but I could really use some help getting by in the meantime. Thank you for any input you may have.