I will make a plan for recovery. Determination and will have been lacking, lately. I'm used to strong ambivalence and continuous shifts of focus but this is much better.
I'm getting slowly used to living without continuous and severe mania or depression (whether it's mixed or longer stretches). All it takes is time and a little bit of effort. It's like adjusting your eyes to sudden darkness. But there's an improvement in the speed of that adjustment.
Depression has become child's play.
I think that considering the many years I lived with continuous severe mood changes and non-affective constant and mild delusions, I've recovered a great deal.
I just have to make a plan with steps to really make it all materialise.
__________________
Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me.
|