<font color="green"> I did something like this by myself -- landed me in therapy. However I started with the positives. I talked about the parent who had not been abusive and about what I knew about their meeting and early days together. There were foreshadowing of the problems to come but then that is how life is. Maybe a running start would help you. You might just make a list -- beaten for sassing; smacked for looking angry etc etc whatever helps you to get it out. Or perhaps your father's illness would be a good place to start. I am not sure what factitous means but i am inclined to think you are saying he didn't have any real illness. Perhaps the real illness was abuse that had been generational?

One last ideal for you -- start out by complaining about how much you don't want to this assignment. Once you allow yourself that much emotional freedom you may find yourself able to do the rest of it.

HUGS hon this stuff is not easy, if it was we would have done it and gotten over it already. </font>