Hello treevoice: Well... the Skeezyks' personal perspective is that the guy who said being sensitive is a form of domestic abuse is just peddling a bunch of slop. God save us from these sorts of self-appointed "experts"! This is only making you feel even worse about yourself than you already did...

Years ago I attended a partial hospital program where they said: "Don't should on yourself." "I should be able to do this..." & "I should be able to do that..." "I'm not enough of this..." & "I'm not enough of that..." From the Skeezyks' perspective the first & most important thing here is to simply accept yourself just as you are. Until you can do that, all of the self-improvement tricks in the world won't help much.

Now having written that there certainly are things you can do to help reduce your overall level of anxiety. I'm sure you've heard all of this many times before: get enough sleep, exercise, practice meditation, avoid stimulants (caffeine).

The Skeezyks has a lot of the same problems you describe. There's a Buddhist practice I employ called: "compassionate abiding". The practice involves allowing difficult & challenging thoughts & emotions to come up, "leaning into" them as they say (paying attention to them, focusing on them), & breathing into them. One can smile to them & even place a hand over the heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. They have no power beyond what one cedes them. After a few moments, one can then drop the "story line" (the narrative about who did what to whom or why it is that I'm such an awful person... blah... blah... blah...) & then simply stay with the raw emotion (fear, anxiety, self-hatred, etc.) that lies underneath allowing it to fade at its own pace.

Two things result from this practice. First, practiced over time, the difficult thoughts & emotions tend to gradually lose their power & subside. It takes time. But it does happen. The second benefit, though, (& perhaps the more important one) is that one learns one can stay with difficult, challenging emotions & thoughts & still maintain one's balance... one's equanimity... We don't have to fall apart every time something goes wrong.

I know how difficult this must be for you. I've struggled with the same sorts of problems my entire life. Hopefully you will be able to get the therapy you need. I wish you well...