My mood really changes very rapidly, so I do sleep and thanks to my antipsychotic there's "only" a difference of 4 hours maximum before I can or will sleep. It's fear of depression the next day and the not knowing whether I will be depressed and how much sleep I need that is my biggest problem.

I've had these mood changes for really a long time, almost a decade, sometimes more severe sometimes less so, sometimes, interrupted by long stretches of mania, a more severe mixed state and depression, once every three years or so.

My perception changes less severely than my mood, since I consistently take the prescribed dosage of my antipsychotic, so that allows me to keep some focus and determination.

Long story short, there is improvement so I don't feel the need or desire to end my life and my mood states are short so even though I want it to end, my mood changes before this need I feel gets too intense. I also don't mind suffering much. I still have difficulties with stability.

My psychiatrist does know about this, but if I really can't take it anymore I'd go straight to a hospital. I don't take any meds in such a state of mind because I might keep taking them. I'm afraid of meds in such a state, being at one or the other extreme. There are many hospitals where I live. I'd go to one just to feel safer, but I stay outside.

This has always worked for me.

Thanks for reading and making sure I'm alright. I am doing quite alright and I'm open about these and any problems and my psychiatrist doesn't underestimate the severity. But I'm pretty good at just experiencing and not panicking. That's all it takes really.